The Phrases given by My Father That Saved Me during my time as a New Dad

"I think I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality quickly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple words "You're not in a healthy space. You need support. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to discussing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a broader reluctance to communicate between men, who often hold onto negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a respite - going on a few days away, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising you is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."